...terribly at night

New city, no friends, no one.
Initially, I just wanted to pull out my hair and sob.
I'm that girl that never wants a second to her self.
I love people around.
The silence screams the truth.
The truth hurts, terribly at night.
But, I've come to love the abundant alone time.
I am actually looking forward to going back in a couple of days.
I enjoy my company a lot more now.
I basically go to classes, come back and sit in bed all day.
So, yay me!

I am 24 pounds away from perfection.
I lost 12 pounds this year.(Sept to Dec)
Actually lost more, but gained a bit back from all the holiday chowing.
So I am excited for 2011.
I'm going on a strict chicken and vegetables diet for January and February.
Wish me luck

"Eh breakups are hard, dating is stupid & love sucks"
That pretty much sums it up.
I am tired of dating the wrong men.
I am a giver.
I am nice.
I forgive AND forget.
All sumptuous ingredients for a recipe of disaster.
They just (want to) walk all over me.
So, I have decided like I've done many other times before, to not date.
This is hard.
I am always in a relationship, right from secondary school days.
I hate single, single sucks.
Maybe I am hiding from something.
I dont know.
But, I do know that I am too smart for this ish.
I shouldn't let these guys treat me like trash and let them back in.
But, I have said this many times before.
Honestly, i think a good f-buddy is what i need for now.
But then, for how long?
*sigh*

Co-op or phd?!
I could round up my masters program April 2011
or stay for co op and round up April 2012.
Will finally get the fucking experience, make good money, and basically just be great.
If I choose this option, then I plan on getting an MBA along the line. Part-time maybe.
But, I have always wanted to be a teacher.
So I thought I'd get a Phd and become a prof.
But, I think i'm too young to become a prof, soo boring.
And I already told my dad i wanted to get a phd, now, he is more excited about it than I am.
:s
I dont want to disappoint him.
I've done that many times before.
I dont want to see that look on his face again.
Cant do both.
I will be too old with all the degrees and maybe lonely.

Library Tables!

Part of the main reasons why I love studying in the Library is the conversations on Lib tables! Hilarious! Love them...

"I want some pussy"
"Same dawg"
"I want cock"
"Silly faggot, dicks are for chics"

Hahaha....the 3rd person could have been a chic..no?

"Laurier bitches give good head"
"Fuck UW"
"Bomber wednesday..anyone?"
"Smooth guy wants blowjob"
"Hairly girl wants hot sex"


LOL!
Is this what you think of when reading?

BlackStreetBoys

I once teared up to their songs and studied "lyric books" over and over again.
Listening to them now, I still love those songs but without that "stupid in love" feeling.
Teenage love!...I miss it..The possibilities were endless.


Random!..yeah yeah..i know :D

...Update

Hello there,
I have been missing a lot of action in blogville..but, I've got mad love for you guys still..I do check your blogs still, but almost no time to leave my footprints.

I got into grad school! I'm so excited! I start September. I look forward to the long orgasmic nights of reading and morning classes! I'm fucking serious! When I applied to this school, I declared my average as x%, and honestly, I didn't think the conversion was up to that. But, when they evaluated, they declared it has +1.55%.
I have always being book-smart but never this dedicated. The person that always comes first in your class really does not have two heads. You just need to be passionate about something and go for it. I failed A-levels woefully! I did Physics, Chemistry and Biology. I don't really think those subjects are hard, I just wasn't passionate about it. My goal for Masters is to finish with at least a 90% average...and easily.

Work has been good. I love that I took a break from school. Success is not guaranteed by just going to school. The whole experience has being very humbling. I've met many amazing people with different views and I have learnt a lot from them.

Unfortunately my love life or lack of it rather is still in shambles. I'm glad I have eventually moved on. I 'backslide' at times, but so far so good.

Random: I bake a lil now. I love it! Looking to get a part time job in a bakery for a month or two so I can be better at it.

Side Note: I don't have a Mentor..this is really scary. All the successful people I've read about have Mentors. I get inspired by different aspects in people and it's hard for me to actually have "a" Mentor...I'm searching thoroughly for one now..any ideas?

Solitude

*Yawns* It's 12:46am, Sunday morning. Finally made up my mind to not go to Church today.
I'm stark naked under my duvet. It's the way I like it.
I'm not bored, just lonely. But, "lonely" is just a word that represents a feeling of emptiness.
I don't feel empty. I'm not lonely then, perhaps, just alone.
Lately, that has being the norm.
I see a crowd of people everyday. I smile and nod at half of that crowd. A crowd is not company...but a collection of faces. It's like watching a movie on mute, heck, I'm in that movie. :o

I am overwhelmed with a feeling of loneliness. To suddenly be alone after a long period of togetherness and a feeling of being part of something is a very lonely feeling. I guess all break ups feel this way. Just that I'm not going through a break up...but of sudden realization that I hung on to nothing for so long...thinking it was something..and still I have nothing.

Melanin

So, I work now! At a Bank! But, I'm not happy! I am not crazy, not greedy either! I work as a CSR, credit card activation and bla bla. The hardest part of my job is not that I have to sit all day with headsets on, repeating the same process over and over again like a robot, or that I have to take 3 buses and a train to get to work every morning in this horrible weather, or that I have to suppress the incessant hunger to whip my BB outta my bag and press away! Its that I have to stomach the pessimists around me that think it's not possible to "get to places" 'cause of the color of my skin! Can you believe this lady(rich in melanin too) at my work place told me that! It will be pretty unrealistic of me to think being rich in melanin is not an obstacle, but I will be in more denial and totally in a world of my own to believe the color of my gorgeous skin will be an obstacle to getting exactly where I want to be. I grew up KnOwiNg that hard work pays, that my destiny is in my hands and that I am in total control of my success.

It's a new year :)

I wish y'all a very merry and happy new year.
I don't exactly believe in new year resolutions, but I do them anyways. Its just nice to reflect on the past year(s) and evaluate my progress as a person. Priorities change, things that mattered don't any more, new challenges, new obstacles- It's what life is all about.
Side but related note: When I was much younger, junior school I think, I would actually get on my knees and pray to God with all seriousness to give me bigger boobs!! dont laugh! Now, it's the least of my worries...its not even a worry. The sexiest women alive have similar sizes to mine..haha.

2008 New Year Resolution
~Follow my head -> I so did not
~Party hard -> Actually partied less
~Study hard -> I did :)
~love hard(er) -> Did, Wth was I thinking
~Lose 15KG -> Ehm...exactly the opposite
~Be closer to God -> Not exactly *covers face*
~And overall be merrier..... Hmn...Am I?

2009 New Year Resolution
~Perfect Grades -> Maybe not perfect, but OK
~Finish school -> Yaay!
~Great Job/Great school for masters -> Neither :(
~Let go unhealthy relationships and obsessions -> More like, held on to unhealthy rships/obsessions
~Closer to God -> A Step closer :)


2010 New Year Resolution
~Get into grad school
~Discover a talent or develop a talent
~Take more care of my body and soul
~Follow my pretty head

Friendship

"Real friends stay true,

Fake friends leave you and abandon you;
They are only there for the good,
They are never there for the bad.

Real friends stay
Even when you have nothing,
Real friends can pull strings
And make miracles happen

People change through time,
They have the same face
But under it is a screw face;
They will disappear without a trace.

Real friends wait,
Fake friends leave in a quickness;
To have a true friend
Means you are truly blessed"

Author: Unknown

Either you are a real friend or you are not my friend. There is no room for fake friends. I have come to learn and accept the fact that my ONLY real friends are my family. They always have my best interest at heart. However, I appreciate the people that cross my path in this journey called life. ✯ ✯ ✯

Cheating

"Many people consider cheating to be any violation of the mutually agreed-upon rules or boundaries of a relationship, which may or may not include sexual monogamy."- Wikipedia
"Love is a strong liking for someone. It's a strong passionate affection for another person."
"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous or boastful; it is not arrogant or rude. Love does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrong, but rejoices in the right. Love bears all things; believes all things; hopes all things; endures all things."

I know cheating is "bad" and "wrong" because I have grown up to believe so and because it hurts to be cheated on.
Wrong means "not according to rule". What rule?

I don't know exactly why cheating is wrong asides that it hurts...

Maybe cheating is wrong because it hurts the other party's feelings and if you love someone you are supposed to be conscious of the other person's feelings.
But then again, people that "cheat" don't intend for the other person's feeling to be hurt...'cause they hope and assume the person doesn't find out.

When I think of someone cheating on me;
I automatically think he doesn't love me
-Well maybe he doesn't, if he hasn't told me "I love you" then he did not exactly lie...so, why is he wrong for "cheating"?
-Maybe he does and he made it known. Guys don't get emotional gratification from having sex with another party, its the sexual gratification.

In an argument some guy said; A guy will love you and still cheat on you. I did not agree then, but I have always wondered about it.
I hate to use this example, xxx loves xxx, I'm absolutely sure of this. But he definitely "cheats" or has "cheated" during the course of their relationship.

I hate when people try to advice a girl in a relationship to get out of it solely because the guy is cheating. Yh i know, its "bad". Honey, your boyfriend is cheating too, you are just not sharp enough to know, or you guys have not dated long enough for him to start having the urge to feel the warmth of another girl's vajayjay. The next guy is most likely going to cheat too.

Hmn..maybe my thoughts are absolutely disorganized or I have bn in too many dysfunctional relationships...and I'm starting to accept the things I can not change.

I am not saying cheating should be allowed for whatever reason...just my train of thoughts at the moment. Tiger Woods issue really got me thinking.

I am not talking about just guys cheating..all my arguments applies to both sides. I think people cheat, men and women alike, when the opportunity arises.

Online Dating

All Most guys that sign up on dating sites are looking for sex..true talk.

I found out that Mr. C (coz I have run out of my ...) is on a "dating" website....
I have his password ( don't judge me..lol), so I went in there to check the messages...
I was pissed..couldn't confront him..the story would have bin how did you get my password and bla bla...
So I created a profile..and sent him a really nice message ;)...
He musta bin in high spirits before realizing the number at the end of the message is mine...
smh..and he had the guts to get angry over me bn on the site...double standards??